Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I hate potty training!!!

I began potty training my first child in 2001. I was eager to prove that a child could be potty trained at the age of 2 if mom was good at her job. Well, if I could have had a glimpse into the next 7 years (and checked my pride) I would have waited a little longer. At that time, Jacob was 2 and Tyler was 6 months. After a year of attempts, Jacob was finally trained. Enter Tyler....I again started at 2 and at 3.7 years old Tyler was finally trained. Enter Sam....I AGAIN began at 2(you'd think I would have learned). Sam is now 4.4 years old and WILL NOT use the toilet. I have been potty training almost non stop for near 7 years and I still have one more to go. At this rate Camden may be using the toilet before his big brother. I have always said to other potty training moms to relax, eventually they get it, don't worry they won't go to kindergarten in diapers. This may not be the case for my precious little one. I am having trouble finding a kindergarten that accepts a child in pull-ups!
As I look back on the last 7 years, I feel like I am in the movie Groundhog Day. Only my day that keeps repeating is full of fluids and smells that would have drove Bill Murray to tears!! I can admit it I AM TERRIBLE AT POTTY TRAINING!!! There is no pride left here. We have every potty chart, chair, and treat ever created and yet they all fail me. I have learned over the potty years that I don't like that which I can't control. I can't make them use the toilet. We have even spent an ENTIRE day in the bathroom. Playing, reading, cleaning. With the big porcelain bowl right there, and still untouched.
So I digress. I have taken advice from every book, friend, doctor, and "potty training expert" out there, but if you have some nugget of help I am all ears. Otherwise PRAY FOR ME!! I am drowning in a literal sea of CRAP!!!!!

In other news, gotta give credit to my friend Mel for my new page. I LOVE IT!!! She is so creative, something else I am not. Although I do have many talents, potty training and creativity are not among them. Thanks Mel for making my blog pretty!!

Friday, September 14, 2007

Full contact sports

In first grade at my children's school, they use a system of colors for behavior. Green is good, blue not so good, yellow even worse, red is very bad. Only once have we had a red. Last year Jacob found a pin on the floor and proceeded to poke his neighbor because "she looked squishy." Drew blood, apparently violating some school policy about weapons. If you know Jacob, you are laughing now. This incident marked the only dropped color for Jacob his whole year of first grade. Enter Tyler....(for those of you with only one or even one and a baby let me just tell you , your second and subsequent children will surprise you often!!). Tyler has been in exactly 3 weeks of first grade and we have had 2 dropped colors already. First one he was trying to "help" someone blink and "accidentally" hit him in the face. When he came home, we discussed why he didn't need to "help" anyone blink and I informed him that God already took care of that by giving us very little control over blinking. This week we had another blue. Sometimes getting a story out of Tyler can be tricky so I dove into this carefully. Here is how the conversation went:

Mom: I see you are on blue today, buddy. What happened?
Tyler: I hit Mallory.
Mom: Oh Tyler you know you aren't supposed to hit, and above all a girl.
Tyler: But mom, we were playing a game.
Mom (thinking it must be tag or something at recess, you know accidents happen and girls are a bit more sensitive): What game were you playing?
Tyler: Tic tac toe
Mom: WHAT???? How on earth would hitting be part of a game of tic tac toe?
Tyler: Well she lost.
Mom: so you hit her??
Tyler: yeah
Mom: Well that is just not acceptable. It is hard enough to lose sometimes and then you go and hit her. Blah, blah, blah..... What got you so upset to hit her if you won?
Tyler: I wasn't mad, when you win you take the other persons arm and say"I win, you lose, now you've got a big bruise."
And that folks, is how tic tac toe became a full contact sport.

Monday, September 10, 2007


I will begin with a disclaimer. I, in no way, intended to be "complaining" in my last post. I have been told that I have a "dry" sense of humor (would the opposite then be a "wet" sense of humor, I would love to hang out with that person) and my story could easily be misunderstood. I simply wanted to express reality. I am very thankful for all that I have and have to do. Actually unloading the dishwasher is a great feat and I am awfully proud of me for accomplishing that.

Anyhow, true to form for me, I got distracted while microwaving a bag of popcorn the other day. Let me just tell you 7 minutes is TOO long. Once I got the small fire out, we were good to go. Or so I thought. Every thing I put in my microwave now tastes like burnt popcorn. Does anyone know how to eradicate that??? My microwave burrito just isn't the same anymore!!

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Is it ADD???

I have sat down to post many times now and I just keep getting distracted. I have been noticing this quite often lately. For example..... I wake up around 5:30am each day and set off to do all of those things on my mental to do list. Upon pouring my cup of sanity, I mean coffee, I realize the dishwasher is full and clean and needing to be emptied so the mountain of dirty dishes can be hidden. So off I go to empty the dishwasher. After a few pieces have found their homes, I notice how messy my cabinets are so I decide to organize them before adding anymore dishes. I pull out all that doesn't belong and start to put them in their proper homes. I take the unused cookbooks back to their home in the dining room and bang my leg on the dishwasher door I forgot to close. I am on my way to the bathroom to get a band aid for the gaping wound on my leg while all of my boys watch in utter amazement at how cool the blood looks. I put on my veggie tales band aid ( cuz that is all we have) and as I am heaving my giant leg off of the sink I notice all of the sparkly blue toothpaste painted on my sink and counter. Before I can wipe that up, the baby cries...time to nurse. Pause 20 minutes.... Back to work. While nursing the baby I see a family of ants that is having a picnic of lucky charms cereal on my living room floor ( no marshmallows of course, they are the only thing they want to eat) I grab the ant spray and a broom and break up the picnic when the phone rings. It is my husband, he asks me to wash some underwear for him for he is out. No problem I say. I head up to gather all of the laundry and notice that clothes is falling out of the drawers in my kids rooms so I begin to fix that. Well I realize that half of this clothes is NEVER worn anymore so I make piles of that which we will save, donate, and trash. I head down to get a bin to put them in and the baby cries...time to nurse. Pause 20 minutes......Back to work. I decide to pee because my body kept demanding it. I again find the sparkly blue toothpaste in the bathroom and internally complain because no one has cleaned it up yet, but leave it alone because my toilet is a mess. Apparently boys have a hard time hitting the target. I go back to the kitchen to get the toilet cleaner and realize it is lunch time. I make a gourmet lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for all when the phone rings. Husband again (he calls on break, lunch, and on the way home every day). Now I remember that I was doing laundry. Quickly and purposefully I gather the laundry and head down to start a load. I open the washer to find a load fermenting in there. I rewash that and throw in a couple of pairs of underwear for the hubby. Start the dryer to get the wrinkles out of the load that has been sitting in there for a couple of days when the baby cries....time to nurse. Pause 20 minutes. Back to work. I get up to get a glass of water because nursing sucks you dry, when my adorable 4 year old walks in the room wearing EVERY piece of clothes that was on his floor. I forgot to finish cleaning that up and he is doing a fashion show. I ask him, kindly and gently, to please take off all 21 layers of clothes and put it back in the piles they were in (HAHAHA). I hear the dryer buzz and head down to change the loads. On the way I find a few pieces of clothing from the fashion show on the floor and they are wet. After a very scientific experiment of smelling the clothes, I realize that they have been peed on. Now these were the outermost layers, so I begin to wonder where the rest of them are. I follow the trail until all are in my possession and head back to the laundry room when lo and behold baby cries....time to nurse. Pause 20 minutes. Back to work. I head back in the kitchen to get that drink of water and realize there are no glasses in the cabinet. Oh yeah, the dishwasher. So I unload that when my wonderful husband walks in the door from work. He asks what I did today and my only reply can be "I unloaded the dishwasher"(I have left out most of the interruptions from the kids because I figured this was long enough). Somehow I get up at 5:30am, create a disaster in my path, and only manage to unload the dishwasher. Stuff still on counters, sparkly blue toothpaste still in sink, clothes unsorted, underwear not dried, laundry not folded, water not drank. And that is a day in my life!!!